No marriage, no kids, exclusively transactional romantic relationships. Maybe I’m a bit too aloof and pragmatic, but these 3 have made my life buttery smooth.
Find a way to phase out or repurpose things and people who make you feel overwhelmed and that your needs can’t be met in association with.
I’m not sure if happiness actually exists as a state of being but I do believe that the opposite absolutely exists when the conditions of your life are not consistent with you have autonomy, agency, and the abillity to negotiate changes when you find there are things that just aren’t working for you in order to feel even just ok
I love my husband and he makes me happy every single day. Every day we flirt with each other. He keeps making the same stupid jokes and over the top pick-up lines that he did 7 1/2 years ago on our first date and they still make me laugh every day.
A large part of it is choice. I choose to be happy, and my dumb monkey brain says ‘ok, I guess we’re going to be happy today’. There’s a real truth to ‘fake it til you make it’, except it should be ‘fake it until it becomes real’. There was a post yesterday about people being locked into their customer service personality even after they get home from work. Sort of like that. You can lock yourself into your happy person.
Of course, that’s not enough. You also need to figure out what really makes you tick - what do you truly enjoy? For me, I enjoy being creative and applying that to fixing shit. Is that dumb, probably. But man, I’ll be on a high for a month after I save a car that should have gone to the junkyard.
I also love fixing things! I just saved my sibling’s €800 laptop that suddenly ran like dogshit and kept shutting itself off. The thermal paste in between the CPU die and the cooling solution dried up after a few years of use, rendering it ineffective, causing the processor to overheat. After cleaning up the old crusty gunk with some rubbing alcohol and applying new paste, all of the problems disappeared.
Marriage, kid, deep relationship with my wife. And my hobbies I am very passionate about.
Same here, with a good relationship with my kids.
Also, not working myself to death in a cubicle.
Painting at the moment, thinking of repairing my 3D printer, what about you?
I already repaired my 3d printer and I recently learned to use Blender for more creative 3d designs. I created a model and painted it. I like how miniature painting affects my internal calmness. Oh and I will write another short story. I am also finaly making some progress on learning guitar.
Not that I am any good in any of those things I do them because they are fun to do.
I also have quite flexible job. I believe the most important thing one can do for their happiness is really working hard on your relationships.
The less I have to worry about the essentials, the happier I am. The essentials being…
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Personal safety
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Access to clean water and food
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Access to healthcare
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Access to housing that is adequate/does not make me sick
I still have to worry about all of the above a moderate amount, so it makes it a lot harder to deal with anything that makes me happy. If I hate my job, all of the above get a lot harder to secure, so I would need to tread carefully. My previous housing situation made me extremely sick, so I had to pay a lot more to find something that didn’t hurt me. (And therefore made it so I have to put off essential medical procedures.)
It’s not all bad, but I would imagine removing those barriers would lead me to the freedom to make decisions that make me happier.
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Perspective. We live in one of the best times in human history, have luxuries unimaginable to the vast majority of human times. Choose to look at the positives.
Be satisfied with less than what you have.
That’s it. That’s the secret.
Gratitude, even for little things. A purposeful and deliberate focus on things I’m happy to enjoy in my life and taking moments to really acknowledge them and soak in that feeling.
That chasing happiness is a fool’s errand.
Emotions come and go, wax and wane. One cannot be happy all the time.
Look for meaning - the great thinkers througout time have repeatedly observed that meaning is what matters.
Exercising to the point of numbing exhaustion, through mountains and valleys if possible.
I used to do this everyday for several years. Life was stressful but I loved every day to the point my heart woykd ache. I haven’t done this for several years.
So now; caffeine, sunshine, and vitamin-d tablets.
Making a cup of coffee or a smoothie at 11 AM and sitting in silence at my computer or on the couch, then going for a short walk if it’s sunny out. There is a serene stillness at around 11 AM when everyone is at work or already where they want to be, and I can only hear the wind, birds, and my own footsteps.
I just need a break from other people sometimes.
This. When I worked night shift it was my 2am break. I’d go outside especially in the summer and it would be a perfect 70F. Dead quiet. Just super relaxing
Family, love, partner, child and pet. Perfect life.
Expectations.
Total honesty and owning up to mistakes. No one can accuse me of anything that I don’t already own for myself. I have nothing to hide. Am I shitty at remembering things I’m supposed to do? Yes! And it bothers my partner. But I feel no guilt because I take responsibility for it.
I do feel kinda bad that I leave shit on the kitchen counter. But not very much. I’m not super organized and that’s fine.
You have to understand that life isn’t about looking for “the best” oppurtunities but to work with what’s in front of you. You are as a human being equipped with the tools you need to shape and transform your environment. That’s not to say that change isn’t necessary sometimes but often better is the enemy of good. Life is less strenuous when you go with the flow.
The other thing is you need to fight desparation. Hope is like a plant that you need to tend to continuously. But you need hope and trust in your own abilities in order to function in times like these.
