An old friend/aquaintance I’ve not spoken to in a few years popped up recently and we got chatting a little over text. In the few years since we spoke she’s had two babies by two different guys. They’re ~6 months and ~2-3 years.
She said that we should get coffee and catch up properly, and I was sort of down, although I’m not really that enthusiastic about catching up with someone I’ve frankly not thought about in a few years. But hey, it’s something to do, and it might be interesting. So I suggested a coffee shop near her and asked if she’d be able to get time away from the kids, but she said that no, she’d have to bring the kids along.
I don’t want to be a dick but I’m really not interested in sitting in a coffee shop with two babies. They’re mostly just going to be the focus of the occasion because they need constant attention, and I don’t really like kids in general. And, if they cry or act up and attract attention I will hate that.
AITA? How do I tell her I’m really not interested in sitting with her babies for an afternoon?
One of the things that absolutely sucks donkey balls about being a new parent is that half your friends just totally ghost you and done want to deal with the complications of your kids, which it sounds like your friend is dealing with.
Definitely hanging out in a coffee shop with a bored toddler is not a recipe for a good time, which I guess your friend has not discovered hard enough yet. The other person suggesting hanging out at a park instead is on to something. Or just anywhere else where the kid has something to do besides sit down and shut up, which generally they won’t.
You’re fine. I used to think I hated kids until my friends had kids who were awesome and I realized that I hate bad parents. These kids are too young for anything to imprint. You’re right that they’ll dominate the conversation out of necessity. You don’t want to put yourself in such a situation for someone on your periphery of interest and that’s fine.
People complain that you’re a bad person for not being terribly interested in her life, but she’s not a part of yours and you’re entertaining the idea that maybe you could have a nice time. As an introvert, I think you’re doing a good job of remaining open to the possibility that there could be a solid friendship forming. Even if not that, at least it might be a nice time once.
Others are being assholes. You’re fine.
I don’t have advice for how to position that you only want to meet one on one, but I don’t think you’re a bad person for wanting that. It’s not like I would want my buddy’s 14yo kid to come to record night this weekend. He’s a nice kid, but this is time for the middle-aged men to hang out.
Yes you’re the AH. Even taking the kids out of the equation and you’re framing this as what you can get out of this meeting. That’s not a friend. Why not just say no.
She said that we should get coffee and catch up properly, and I was sort of down, although I’m not really that enthusiastic about catching up with someone I’ve frankly not thought about in a few years.
Yeah sod what the other party thinks s as long as you’re getting something out of it. I see this as wasting her time on someone who isn’t appreciative of it.
Also, why mention baby daddies?
Yes you’re the AH.
I’m pretty sure there is a rule on the internet that if someone starts with this, at least the person saying it is an AH.
That’s not a friend.
that’s quite obvious, mr entitled parent, they are acquintances. facebook has destroyed people’s vocabulary.
Why not just say no.
because why not be in touch with old classmates or colleagues sometimes? you don’t have to decline just because they are not a friend! and people say it’s me who is “anti-social”
Also, why mention baby daddies?
wat?
This is hilarious, you’re so dumb.
yeah
I’m not a fan of kids either. But hey…guess what? Not being willing to put on your big boy pants and suck it up for an hour is the very definition of “being a selfish asshole”.
The fact that the first thing you talk about is how those kids are “going to be the focus of the occasion” (your words), shows that what you lack isn’t “enthusiasm about catching up with someone”. What you lack is basic human empathy.
Yes, you are hating was you used to be and you would never lie people to hate you
I don’t know you so these words aren’t meant to be hurtful, but I wouldn’t want to be your friend.
It sounds like you have nothing in common and aren’t actually interested in their life or you’d be interested in the kids.
The best part is you suggested the coffee shop lol.
Honestly just learn to say no if you don’t want to do something. It might be awkward but it’ll save embarrassment, wasted time and maybe even hurt in the end.
Coffee is not good for babies, save the babies, don’t meet her. Call child protection. I don’t think she is your friend if she is giving her babies coffee.
The trash took it self out (you). The friend dodged a bullet
