volvoxvsmarla

My dad is… complicated, and I could tell a lot of insane stories. But the memory that is haunting me is how he said “we won’t wait when war starts”, in Russian. It made no sense. I overheard it as a part of some conversation with my mother (maybe other grown ups as well) when I was a kid and I asked what he meant and he claimed he didn’t remember saying that. I believe him that he didn’t remember. But it was odd, it’s not something he would say. Neither he, nor my mom, nor their friends are political people talking about war, ever. It was said casually, but no one ever casually talked about war or politics over here. This was 25 years ago. I kept thinking about it for years and years again, trying to grasp what it meant, what it might have meant, and why it stuck with me so much, why I couldn’t get it out of my head, why I couldn’t let it go.

It was also painfully screaming in my head when Russia attacked Ukraine in 2022. It’s like it was an eerie foreshadowing but I still don’t know. I have so few memories of my childhood, why did this one stay? Why do I see and hear him say this? What did he mean with “we won’t wait”? Did he mean we won’t wait for the war to start or we won’t wait when the war will have started? Both are possible interpretations in the Russian wording. What are we waiting for? Are we still waiting? What should we be doing?

I keep going back to this one stupid sentence and this memory is ringing in my ears. What does it want to tell me to do? I know I need to do something, I just can’t figure out what.

Thank you. I was really confused and had to read it a couple of times. A first read made me think the dad started jerking off with an octopus and this went downhill.

especially a nonfiction book

I’d argue this is at least as relevant for fiction books. Most books that are considered “good” or “masterpieces” haven’t earned that from the story but from how it is told, from the language used, the writing style, how a greater picture is painted. Any German student who had to go through the pains of reading a Thomas Mann novel will know what I am talking about, that dude could have written a 150 page book with 90 sentences. Of course you can read an analysis of symbolism and style characteristics used and the plot summary, but it isn’t the same as reading the novel, as the story will not grasp you in the same way. It’s not about the content, it’s about its presentation. (In the case of Thomas Mann the pain is a vital part of the presentation.)

There is no such thing as a bad reason for not wanting to drive a car. Any reason that makes you not want to drive a car is valid.

I am rather susceptible to hating actors because of some role they played. I literally hated Hugh Grant for no other reason than him being an asshole to Bridget Jones. I am now scared to watch Gladiator.

Meryl Streep. Oh God Meryl Streep

That was part of a joke at the start of an episode. Everyone complained that their boss didn’t like them and Joey (working at the Central Perk at that time iirc) pointed out “yeah I wonder why none of your bosses like you. Maybe it’s because it’s Wednesday 12 pm and you are hanging out at a cafe”.

My mom and sister used to say my husband looks like he just got released from Auschwitz so I feel you 🫠

Maybe it’s because your dad wants you to get a perfect person. Someone who is nice and loving and interesting and attractive and successful and rich and a good cook and volunteers and whatnot. My guess is not that they would prefer you to have someone handsome and unloving instead, but someone who is both handsome and loving. Because to them, you’re perfect. So they want you to have the (what they assume would be) perfect match. Most of this is probably not an active thought process but just some subconscious thinking.

And then the people all clapped and patted themselves on the back for saving the guy and went about their day. But the guy went back to the same life full of problems that led him to despair. Crippling debt or depression. Estrangement from loved ones that are no longer willing to reconnect. Loneliness or defamation or disease. It’s easy to save someone from jumping, but this is not help. That is not the help they need. They need constant and long term help, assistance, and support.

Saving a stranger from a suicide attempt has a vibe to it like preventing an abortion from happening without providing any further support for the mother or the child. Congrats, you saved a life, technically. But you did nothing to save the life.