People who complain about snowflakes are snowflakes.

…I don’t know what that makes me, for pointing out that people who complain about snowflakes are snowflakes.

I’m currently debating whether I need a whisk.

When you’re tired from work but you’ve still got to clean the whole thing to ‘protect your investment’.

I do, and I’m not even ashamed of it.

Why are American men so concerned about their masculinity? From the outside it doesn’t look like they have anything to worry about.

I believe your break finished two minutes ago, now go help Aaron clean up the vomit in aisle 9.

Is it draining your will to live? Then it’s doom scrolling.

Russia and China.

Once upon a time people would have thought it was crazy to try controlling how someone interacts with your content on the internet.

I don’t remember anyone asking if we were okay with changing that.

Friends don’t make friends read fanfiction!

I got thrown out of class for borrowing a pencil.

Didn’t understand then, don’t understand now.

What does the video add to the experience of doing something else?

Because Reddit is run by a psycho who looks forward to owning slaves after the downfall of civilisation.

Because Reddit locked out third party apps and when asked for an explanation, their first instinct was to lie.

Because Reddit disguises its adverts as user posts.

Because Reddit is overrun with fake user accounts trying to control discourse on the internet.

Because Reddit’s real users will post Among Us jokes in threads about school shootings to farm karma.

Ever hold a strong flashlight up to your hand and see your bones outlined in red? Like that, only… more.

LED indicator lights on things that have nothing to indicate. Does an electric fan need an indicator? Will you be confused about whether it’s operating or not if it doesn’t have one? Oh, it’s in swivel mode! Good thing it told me that, or I might have thought it was swiveling for other reasons.

I make a dildo fall out of Trump’s pocket.

Edit to add: but not before I buy shares in leading dildo manufacturers, because no self-respecting MAGA will be caught dead in public without their pocket-dildo after that.

Elon’s a big believer in Ethical Altruism - the idea that any action you take is ethical as long as it improves life for someone. In his case ‘someone’ is future generations, ie. people who can’t tell him his actions on their behalf are wrong, because they don’t exist yet. It works as long as you don’t think about it too hard, which he doesn’t.

I’m sure I recognise that cadence. Is that iambic pentameter? (Being the only one I can name.)

“Dinner’s only a couple of hours away. Why don’t you wait?”

Because I had just finished a sponsored fast for charity and hadn’t eaten for two days.

I think you mean survivorship bias favours the bold.