Replace all the customer facing employees with chimpanzees with webcams that say in sign language: read what’s on the website. Whenever someone calls in or opens a chat, they’re connected with a chimp. Be sure to also include a guide to ASL on the company website. I guarantee sales will go up

In the good old days socially anxious people would just get stabbed in central park.

True. Many things got left to Beaver, some say too many things got left to Beaver. Much of McCarthyism and the Red scare can be blamed on little Theodore Cleaver.

You’re gonna cook up a crazy theory like that and not even mention big daddy capitalism?

edit: I was making a joke, it didn’t land right. I agree with you, I probably wouldn’t be on this website if I didn’t.

Now you just need a gunpowder powered pulley system that whips your massive dong out of your fly after the motorized zipper opens your pants.