Is it just a sacred cow? “you can’t change anything about voting”? Or do they believe in some specific obstacle? I was discussing this with a friend recently, and the only guess as to why it wouldn’t work in America is that it requires a reasonable number of volunteers, and maybe Americans are too busy working insane hours and surviving to add civic responsibilities.
Fully sympathise. People are giving general advice, and there’s good evidence that it works for most people. I have adhd, and even I know that multi-tasking is distracting and that if I can focus entirely on something I will perform better. But I also know from decades of daily experience that if I try and completely focus on something when my brain is not compliant, then I will do much much worse.
I will learn a lot more by listening to an audiobook while I do chores for an hour, even if sometimes the chores distract me from the content, compared with trying to read a book. Because if I sit and try and read, I will manage one minute, get up and get a drink, reread the same page, want some music to cover up some distracting noise, then rememeber that I’m avoiding distractions so turn the music off… And so on, until after ten minutes I’m only in page 2 and I give up in frustration, drained and demotivated.
As an ever more aged adult, I think the one piece advice I’d give my younger self is “trust yourself”. I’ve wasted so much time trying to follow advice and rules that just never worked for me, and eventually I realise that my instincts were right and I should have just improved my own strategies instead of trying to become something I’m not. That’s not to say you know everything already. Listen to people, try their ideas out, experiment and all that, but don’t feel pressure to do what works for “most people” if it doesn’t work for you.
It’s not the size of virtue, but how you use it. Or so I’m told.
I don’t understand why it’s so difficult. In France voting is done entirely on paper and results are often released later that night, and almost all the results are in by the next day. Same in the UK, although it generally takes them a few hours longer, probably because the polls close later in the evening.
It’s the dates they’re laid!
Looking through their post history, they don’t seem very concerned with being inspirational. Mostly being antagonistic, and racist of about romani people.
Normally like this, but we ate them all yesterday.
I think this is a pretty dumb topic, because it really involves a lot of stereotyping and bullshit (like the other comment suggesting that fancy cars aren’t linked to penis size anxiety) but anyway…
If we take “penis size” as a metric that men believe is important to their sexual attractiveness, and the assumption that they buy expensive cars to compensate, then we could see the goal as increasing their diminished sexual value in an alternative way. A rich man with a small penis may (in this silly logic) be as sexually attractive as a poor man with a large penis.
So for women, what is a stereotypical number that they could worry about and try and compensate for? The two that spring to mind (in this clichéd view of the sexual economy) are age and weight. Weight feels different, as there are methods of managing it that are more effective than “this secret ancient method will grow your dong 3 inches!” but for many people it is not an easily controlled factor. Age is, chronologically at least, a one way street. For both of these, make-up and grooming are pretty effective at reducing the “negatives” (bleurgh!) of being old / overweight, but that would be the equivalent of men stuffing socks and salami down their pants. What is the equivalent of “I’m not conventionally sexually attractive, but I have other redeeming qualities, like a willingness to waste money trying to impress women”? I wonder if it’s “being kinda slutty”?
When I think of the equivalent to the cliché of the needy middle-aged businessman in his sports car, I think of the stereotype of the middle-aged, overweight, divorcée wearing too much makeup and dressing too young/slutty. She’s not really trying to pretend she’s young and hot, she’s visibly demonstrating that’s she’s willing to make an effort to attract a man “if I’m willing to look like this in public, think how much of an effort I’ll make on the sack!”
But I think this is a pretty silly topic, and making stereotyped judgements about other people is pretty bad. The “facists have small dicks” memes that kick about are kinda funny, but are really just reinforcing a body image problem that exists much more in society and the minds of men than it does in the tastes of their actual sexual partners. And women can be whatever age, weight or whatever else they want, and dress how they like. Some people just love leopard print! No need to project society’s ills onto them!
You’re doing the Lord’s work. As someone who lives in a country where I can barely speak the language this is a constant frustration.
I also hate how hard it is to override location for other searches. I travel back and forth to my native country regularly, and so I’m often trying to search stuff or buy things for a different country than the one I’m literally in. If Google is so keen on making money from me, why can’t I tell it to do a Product search in a specific country, instead of forcing me to use a vpn to trick it?
This is something that I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about. I think there’s a danger to doomscrolling and upsetting yourself about things you can’t change, and it can be really unhealthy. But there’s also a real danger from turning away from the bad things that happen. And in my experience, the people who know least about the world, who “don’t follow politics”, etc are often the people responsible for the problems.
Although wallowing in tragedy doesn’t help anyone, being aware that bad things happen and doing what you can in real life to make the world a better place is important. But the moderation is important - getting upset doesn’t help anyone. So I try to limit my time with current affairs to specific times reading articles and reports, so I can learn about the world in a calm way. Rather than the drip drip anxiety provoking chaos of 24 hour news and social media.
Do you perhaps mean self-individuation? That’s what jung talks about the most. As I understood it, it’s the process of facing up to who you really are and coming to terms with that. Jung’s theory of the self proposes that our conscious self is only part of what’s going on in our brains, and there’s all these instinctual, repressed or just ignored parts of us that influence our decisions and reactions. The process of individuation is exploring, confronting and integrating all those parts, so that we understand and better manage their influence on us.
The idea is that while we grow up parents, teachers, other kids or adults, all teach us (intentionally or not) what is good and what is unacceptable for us to be. Some traits are not right for us, but still acceptable to society, and they often become part of our projection onto romantic figures, because we want to have those traits indirectly through them. So if you’ve been told to bottle up your feelings, and never express emotions you might be attracted to a parter who is kind and intuitive and emotionally aware. Or if you’ve been taught to always follow the rules and behave, you might find a wild, freespirit type strongly appealing.
Other traits are perceived very negatively, and so we don’t consciously identify with or want them. But they’re still there inside of us, and Jung argues these still influence us, however hard we try to suppress them. As is seen in how people project their negative traits onto other groups, and then punish those others rather than face the reality that those traits are inside all of us. This is called projection, and I sure you can probably think of some examples in contemporary life…
The process of individuation is learning to spot these traits in our subconscious, and bring them into conciousness and figure out how to integrate them into ourselves. By doing this we become deeper and more rounded individuals, gaining skills and qualities that we’d previously denied ourselves because “feelings are for girls” or “standing up for yourself is too aggressive and gross, and I hate violence so I’m not going to argue with this person instead I’ll just go home and be passive-aggressive to my family”.
Historically, people did exactly that and collected info in commonplace books.
Growing up back then I owned a lot of books (and borrow vastly more for friends and libraries). I had a couple of bookshelves in my room, but my family home had at least a dozen full sized bookshelfs. So although I didn’t have access to the infinite info of the modern Internet, I read a lot of much more specific non-fiction books. There’s a lot to be said about having a deeper and cohesive understanding of a subject, compared to reading a bunch of wiki articles and watching a few hours of YouTube on a topic (although I enjoy that too!)
Really depends on what you mean by useful. Looking briefly through your post history, it seems like a lot of your posts are news / politics. Are you hoping to use lemmy to educate and change people’s perspectives? Because that’s quite a different purpose than entertain and distract, or express an inner artistic vision, or grow the fediverse, and so on.
If you can explain what you seek from posting, we can get a better idea of whether it’s working or not!
Like others are saying Bloody Marys & mirepoix. If you want to eat it raw with stuff, but you’re not in love with the texture, I’d recommend lightly peeling the celery before cutting into sticks. Removing some of the chewy rind while leaving the crunch makes it much more palatable.
Not sure it fits your criteria, but Sausage Party was a complete surprise for me. I never wanted to watch it because it seemed dumb and purile. And it is, but also somehow it blew my mind and became one of my favourite movies.
Listen to a lot of renaissance lute music. Very mellow.
That’s a really difficult issue. There’s a lot of issues going on with a new family member, and your son is at a very challenging age around those kinds of issues. But, although it’s very considerate of you girlfriend to consider putting your relationship above the future child, I wouldn’t rush into that.
If I was your son, I would probably take a good while to adjust to the idea, to what it means for my life and my future, to re-establish my relationship with my father and so on. Although it would be difficult, it would also be a big step I growing up and having adult relation to the world. If the problem is just brushed away, I could imagine feeling a lot of guilt later. A future brother or sister that I will never know, that doesn’t exist, just because I had an immature (though age appropriate) reaction.
We do lots of stupid stuff when we’re teenagers, but mostly it’s fine because we have time to grow past them. Something like this would have consequences that could haunt your family, and that puts a big burden on your son for not immediately being cool with it.
For me, it’s that my keyboard sometimes autocorrects to French.
Yeah, it’s a pretty common thing. Many disadvantaged groups end up putting a lot of effort into how they look, because it’s something relatively inexpensive they can control and express themselves through. That’s why lots of fashion and culture starts among poor / gay / racial minorities, and then is co-opted (or appropriated) by the mainstream. So finding the look hot isn’t too surprising, given that that’s what they’re going for - no one wears pristine white tracksuits for practicality.
And the confident / arrogant and outsider / dgaf attitude can be pretty attractive to someone, especially if that person is shy, or feels trapped / bored by the more conventional requirements of middle-class society. I think that’s fine (nothing wrong with finding something hot) and can even be good, if it helps people overcome a lot of the social prejudice against working class culture. It can be problematic if it becomes dehumanising, seeing chavs as primal and animalistic, as happens disturbingly frequently with white folks fetishisation of black men.
If we’re just talking “don’t worry about money day to day” then I’m that, but that’s more about being a couple who both work with low expenses (no kids). I never really think about how much money I have in my account, or worry about bills or rent or anything. I can’t afford to buy super expensive stuff all the time, but it doesn’t feel like a hardship to not buy the latest flagship or constantly upgrade stuff, and if I do want something I just get it.
Not stressing about money is fucking amazing, ngl. It creates this relaxed sense of calm, even when things are difficult. I certainly didn’t always feel like this, I’ve been unemployed, and so broke that I’ve been starving and wandering the street in the hope to find a coin that someone dropped so I could buy something to eat. When you don’t have enough money everything is difficult and any new crises is anxiety inducing.
Now, if something goes wrong while travelling, I just book into a hotel, while before I’ve had to sleep rough because I missed a flight and couldn’t afford a room. I never worry about the price of a restaurant or how overpriced a drink is (partly because I rarely eat / drink out so it’s not a big expense) . But that attitude of not having to check prices, or order the cheapest options, is so liberating. I think people who’ve never been poor have no idea how exhausting and stressful it is to constantly be on your guard and how feeling guilty about the cost can even ruin the enjoyment of the treats you do allow yourself.